Welcome to Part Two of our interview, “Into The Badlands” Sherman Augustus Talks Relationships.” In Part One Mr. Augustus shared his thoughts on relationships. Part Two focuses on intimacy, honesty, understandings and misunderstandings of the opposite sex and downright truth about how some men try to attract women.
FE: This is on the three questions for intimacy, what is your definition of intimacy?
SA: Someone that you can honestly let your guard down and let that person see who you are. And that’s spiritually, emotionally, physically, ya’ know, that’s all those things. That’s intimacy. If I disclose anything to you that I feel that’s personal to me, that alone right there helps with our intimacy. Because you know me, you know what buttons to push, what buttons not to push and that goes for any and everything…the way that I tie my shoes. Well, you know I like to tie my shoes this way…”well, yeah that’s fine. Tie your shoes that way, I got you.”
FE: I was actually reading something about a week ago and it was saying about intimacy, that we forget even the little things like looking behind someone’s ear or at their feet. I mean those areas just get missed altogether. I mean I’ve never thought to pay attention to the curls on the nape of his neck, like it’s just those little tiny things that is intimacy. So, it’s not really even, yes it involves sex, intercourse, but it goes beyond that.
SA: Yes, it’s all those things, it’s deeper than that. It’s knowing where certain moles are, certain marks are, scars…something that you might dig.
FE: And it’s what came with those scars or marks.
FE: How has your definition of intimacy changed over time?
SA: Oh, experience. Ahhh, you know every man thinks that he knows women and we don’t. We can go around talking about all that nasty if we want to, we don’t’ know nothing, that’s a whole different world, that world is past alpha century. You constantly keep learning, I know I do. And it’s the little things, it’s just the little things. And once you find out those little things because those little things can piss her off and then those little things can mean so much. So, I’m still learning. Some cats can say “I know this, this, and the third”, well sure you do. But then again you’ll turn around and you’ll go “I didn’t see that coming”. There’s a lot of things that you don’t see coming so you never assume, but you know as a man I’m still learning.
FE: And the very last question is do men and women have different intimacy needs, expectations and desires? How so?
SA: I’m pretty sure, look, men are easy. So ya’ know there’s a map that y’all have that you know we try to figure out. There’s a puzzle there and then once you think you’ve figured it out, you don’t figure it out, so I think that’s in a way, fun. If, with a person that allows you to experiment with those things and just find these things that bring you joy, and again, that could just be conversation, so all these things, at 60, I’m still learning. I’m still learning these things and you know every man thinks they’re very well versed in women, don’t let it fool you, you can’t. You can’t, it’s just something that, I mean that’s the reason why we are the way we are, because we’re constantly trying to find out something about each other.
FE: And I think it works the same way with the women to the men.
SA: Yeah, yeah…
FE: There are things myself that, yeah things that when I was 20, that are definitely different, now that I’m 50. Like it’s different.
SA: It’s totally different and we were talking about that today, I do not want to be in my 20’s right now. The pressure that these young kids have right now, the pressure is ya’ know, I’m kinda glad that….
FE: No…the pressure of the girls in comparison to the women who are 50 and 60 and the girls that are 25…the stuff that they do….
SA: Pshhh…I’m peeping it out. That’s what I’m sayin’, I mean, I say that all the time, if I’m not in a relationship…I say to myself, and I put it out there, I want a woman, a woman, a woman, not a girl, not a young lady, I want a woman, and that means someone who’s gonna’ walk into this situation and just say, “hey look, I got my own. You’re here because I chose you.” See some men get that…that we’re chosen. Some men forget that and it’s not about everything else or how you think you’re handling it.
FE: But women forget it on the other end. That we are the ones that are choosing.
SA: Exactly, exactly.
FE: Sooo, and I mean a lot of that goes on because we end up compromising, thinking that it’s them who’s the one making the selection but it’s really us.
SA: No, exactly and that’s one of the first things I’ve learned that I didn’t learn when I was growing up is that you don’t own anybody, you don’t have any ownership over no one. But I really didn’t and this is my little secret, I really never developed the gift of gab, you know I wasn’t able to just walk up to someone and say “hey, how you doin’? You lookin’ fab here today…”
FE: Wait, wait…to throw out your mack, to throw out your mack….
SA: Oh, oh, oh, oh, see, I was never that guy. Yesterday I was getting my car washed and this very beautiful young lady sat between myself and another gentlemen. He asked the lady on the other side of him, you know I could see he was working it, he was on the phone at first and he was like “are you going to read that magazine”? He was pretty persistent. He went, “are you gonna read that magazine? May I get it?” And he reaches over and gets it. She hands it to him and he says “thank you.” Then he sits there. The girl who sits between us and then about five, six minutes later and he goes, he’s flippin’ through the book and he goes, “hey let me ask you a question…what do you think about this car?” She goes “oh that’s too expensive” and then they started talking and then she goes “well do you have a car like that?” Then he says “no, no”, but you know and I was just like “ahhh dude, dude, dude, dude, dude…”
FE: He’s trying to reel her in….
SA: And I’m like, ok see that’s one thing that I never developed and why I never developed that. It’s because I always knew that if a woman was interested, no matter how many times she drops that hankey in front of you, I have a friend that says that, “you know I drop my hankey in front of you all the time and you”…and I’m like “yeah, you should have said something, you know, you wouldn’t have married that guy, you would have married me (laughter), right?” So, I never really developed the gift of gab because I was always approached. I can take the conversation then, but I was never like, you know, “those are wonderful shoes you got on…where did you get those?”
FE: But wait…do you feel like that’s because you were never required to do it, because it was probably…okay…?
SA: No, no, no, being an ex-football player and the stuff that I do today as an actor, the women have always, women have always petrified me. And not in a bad scary way, you know it’s just, you don’t…my fear was always “don’t say anything stupid Sherman”, you know, because at the end of the day, we’re all big kids and I’m like, when people get to know me, I let you know me. I’m that guy that’ll make you laugh, will have these great conversations with you, whole nine yards…so that I developed. But as far as rollin’ up and havin’ the mackability, that was never me. Now I will say I have been fortunate to always be approached.
FE: Yes, but that is why I asked you – did you not necessarily have to do that because you were probably approached or it was right in front of you or you didn’t have to work as hard?
SA: But sometimes I think about, you know what I may have missed. Because that hankey was dropped right there and I didn’t pick it up and go “hey Ms. you dropped your hankey, those are wonderful shoes you have on.” I have friends that can do that, that are just charming. I’m scared that I’m gonna to start off “uh so anyway did you see the gorillas at the zoo?” Yeah come on man, I’m already out, I’m done, I’m done, I’m done. You know he started off cool and then he started talking about mice and gorillas…I mean you know, let’s go girl.