Dear FE: I Am Missing Oral Sex

    I initially wanted to offer my advice to your “Dear FE” blog about the hetero couple struggling with different desires regarding threesomes.  Instead, I decided to ask your advice about a problem I’m facing.   I read your blogs and enjoy the perspective you both offer on a variety of topics.  It’s the kind of feedback I’m looking for to help me solve my own relationship issue. Dear FE Initially, I wanted to offer my advice to your “Dear FE” blog about the hetero couple struggling with different desires regarding threesomes.  Instead, I decided to ask your advice about a problem I’m facing.   I read your blogs and enjoy the perspective you both offer on a variety of topics.  It’s the kind of feedback I’m looking for to help me solve my own relationship issue. Ora I, too, am a heterosexual man and been in a relationship with my wife for four years.  We dated for almost two years, lived together for a while and got married a little over a year ago.   Our sex life was great. We couldn’t get enough of each other.  At the heart of our intimacy was oral sex.  My partner loved to deep throat me.  Sometimes I thought that she loved having my dick in her mouth more than I liked it having it there. Not to say I didn’t like it, I did, but she loved it every time. And she was really good at it, better than anyone else I’ve ever been with. Dear FE That continued throughout the time we dated and lived together.  In fact, our sex life just got better with time.  She showed a freaky side that kept intimacy interesting.

Then we got married and things changed.  To begin with, she stopped sucking my dick.  At first, I thought it was just a phase she was going through.  We still had sex, but the passion of the pre-marital sex wasn’t there.   I try to talk about it with her about it but she isn’t interested.  Sex was never something we talked much about.  We just did it and we didn’t really have any problems at all that needed to be discussed. But, we sure as hell do now.  Her attitude is that we’re married and things, like sex, just take their natural course and I should let it be. Oral I can’t let it be and miss the woman she was before marriage. And, if my wife is no longer interested in doing the things that I loved about her and not even see it as a problem… Well, to be honest, I don’t know what to do.  So, that’s why I’m turning to you.

I want to stay married, don’t want to cheat, and am not interested in a steady diet of porn. One of the reasons I got married was I love having a steady sex partner.   And, that is no longer happening like it used to. I am missing oral sex What should I do?   Thanks, Missing Deep Throat    

From MK:

Advice

Thanks for sharing your dilemma with us.  I’m glad you read and like our blogs and then we might be able to help you.  Tell me if I’m wrong, but it seems that the problem revolves around one thing.  Your new bride doesn’t want to suck your dick, especially when it comes to ‘deep throating’ you. Sounds like you’re still having sex, it’s not as passionate as it once was, but, it’s still good. She doesn’t want to talk in depth about her disappearing desire for oral.  Instead, she says, it’s just one of those things couples go through. When I put all that together I see good things and I see some problems. Dear FE

First, the good things:

• You’re still having enjoyable sex with each other
• She’s not taking a fast and hard position (no pun intended) about her desire for oral. In fact, her response captures what happens in a lot of marriages. Couples do go through a natural course of up’s and down’s.
• So, I hear her saying the following: she has not shut the door on oral sex and things might change down the road.

I am missing oral sex

Next, the problems. You miss the following:

• the passion of pre-marital sex.
• how much she loved sucking your dick.
• the feeling of your dick disappearing down your wife’s throat.
• pre-marriage sex
• trust that your relationships down’s will get back up
• the ability to discuss and solve problems

I am missing oral sex

Here’s my advice:

Dear FE: Missing Oral

• Be patient both with your wife and your desires.
• Relationships do have up’s and down’s. Don’t bail ship during a down period.
• You said you got pretty freaky with each other. Don’t stop exploring your freaky sides.
• Look at what you still share. Cherish what you have. Cherish your wife. Do everything you can to make it right.
• Love is easy when it’s all going well. Love grows deeper when two people make it through marriage’s inevitable challenges. Work to develop the deeper love.

Oral

• Don’t stop talking. Just because your wife doesn’t want to talk about oral sex doesn’t mean all communication needs to shut down.
• Accept the fact that marriage changes relationships. Understand how you’ve changed and work to understand how your marriage and wife changed as well.
• You made a commitment to the long run. Stay strong, my man. Don’t lose the faith yet.
• If your problems don’t get better, try counseling. Believe me, it can help.

Again, thanks for contacting us. DEAR FE

From Ms. E

Both MK and I appreciate that you’ve looked at our site and welcome feedback from us regarding your situation. I’m just gonna dive right on in. I too would be very concerned if my significant other changed drastically in sex immediately after we walked down the aisle. There are a few factors that come to mind as why your wife cut you off orally cold turkey. I know that you mentioned you’ve tried talking with your wife and she’s not open to it. But you really have to try and make sure she understands how important this is to you and how it’s affecting you. FROM MS. E

Here’s some factors to consider. I’ll just mention a couple.

The first being there could be a medical condition going on that she chooses to keep quiet about – for now at least. If there’s a medical issue that won’t correct itself long term – out of love, you’ll find other ways to enjoy oral sex. There are male masturbator sleeves and other great sex toys by Lelo (take a look at our store) that give suction and lubrication and will give you the same effect as a blowjob that you have with your spouse. Your wife can play a role verbal, mental and physical stimulation. I am missing oral sex Has she had a religious or spiritual experience that affected her sex drive? If so, consider counseling to help the both of you navigate this road. You don’t have to demand she walk away from something like this as each person has a time of evolving in whatever way that is, however, it shouldn’t make a dent in your intimate relationship. I am missing oral sex The last thing I want to mention is if your wife is just plain adamant about not discussing or getting counsel it would beg me to believe that maybe she married you for something outside of true love. This is weighty and I would suggest you seek counsel on your own to get to the bottom of what’s really going on. I am missing oral