Five Most Common Questions about Sex
Let’s face it, no matter who you are or how old you might be, everyone has common questions about sex.
One question, in particular, appears in searches more than any other.
What is the G-spot?
Five Most Common Questions about Sex
Good question. Some experts say the elusive G-spot doesn’t really exist. At least, it’s not its own thing. What we often think of as the G-spot is really a part of a woman’s clitoral network. As pioneering sex researcher Dr. Beverly Whipple discovered, “When arousing the G-spot, you’re actually stimulating the apex of the clitoris — the backend — internally.” (Healthline)
And, as we might imagine, G-spots vary with individual women. Let’s face it, women’s bodies are different from each other and each woman experiences sexual stimulation in a variety of ways. What drives one woman to wild orgasm, might turn another off completely. In other words, one woman’s G-spot might be another woman’s biggest turnoff.
Where Is the G-spot?
When in search of pleasure spots, consult the woman who you probe.
Commonly, the G-spot is a spongy area, located on the stomach side or top side of a vagina. Where much of the vaginal area is smooth, the elusive location can feel like the wrinkled skin of a walnut, only softer.
Penetrate your partner with either your index or middle finger. (Please, be certain you trim your fingernails beforehand.) Curl your finger up towards the roof, so to speak, of her vagina and pay close attention to the terrain of her soft skin. Again, ask your partner for guidance.
Once you find the desired spot, if she is sufficiently moist, rub the area. Start slow. Be patient. Gradually, increase the pace of your motion in rhythm with your partner’s level of arousal. Again, be patient. The result is often worth the wait, for both of you.
Why Doesn’t My Partner Orgasm During Intercourse?
A majority of women don’t. Instead, Dr. Emily Nagoski writes that “the clitoris is the Grand Central Station for erotic sensation.” (274)
Almost 9 out of every 10 women who masturbate, do so with little to no vaginal penetration. Similarly, less than one third of women cum during intercourse. Often, when they climax, it’s because of clitoral stimulation and not vaginal penetration. Again, not all women are the same. About 3 out of every 10 women find intercourse to do the trick.
That doesn’t mean that penetrative sex isn’t pleasurable. It just means that intercourse doesn’t often result in female orgasm.
How Do I Bring My Female Partner to Orgasm?
Back to step one: ask her.
Also, be mindful that orgasm does not have to be the ultimate goal of sex. If your companion struggles to climax, so be it. Enjoy the intimacy. For many people, simple intimacy improves sex. Keep in mind, orgasm can be especially difficult if your companion feels pressure to cum.
A Chapman University study said that a woman is more likely to climax if her partner follows three simple steps. “Deep kissing, manual genital stimulation, and/or oral sex” are the “Golden Trio” of female orgasm.
A different study in Finland added to Chapman’s findings. They concluded important factors for female orgasm “were valuing orgasms, sexual desire, ability to concentrate and sexual self-esteem.”
If conversation, patience and foreplay are necessary, then be the loving partner who enjoys engaging in each lovely step. Clearly, the process is well worth it. And, should your partner climax, orgasms most often are, for lack of a better term, orgasmic.
So, as many experts and women agree, start with foreplay, lots of it and don’t rush the process.
What About Men?
95% of heterosexual men reported that they “usually or always” orgasmed during sex. In comparison, just 65% of heterosexual women said the same. In addition, the figure was 89% for gay men, 86% for lesbian women, 88% for bisexual men and 66% for bisexual women.
The percentage of men who said intercourse is the best way to make a woman cum is around 40%. They claim, with certainty, that their female partners orgasm all the time during intercourse.
Conversely, almost 80% of women say they either rarely or never cum while their man gets off. Many admit to faking orgasm either to get it over with or to please their partner.
Key factors showed even more important differences between heterosexual men and women. A significant number of women reported that four factors directly affect their ability to climax. Hearing the words “I love you” along with oral sex, laughter and changing positions all made a positive difference.
For men, none of it really mattered.
What’s Important to Most Men?
A growing number of men struggle with sex. Consistent high sales of Viagra and Cialis are but one indicator of a problem.
For many hetero men, sex is all about fucking. If they engage in foreplay, it’s a means to an end. Lick some pussy, sure, if they get laid. Not only are they orgasm-through-intercourse focused but, the ultimate goal is their selfish pleasure.
Yet, a recent Guardian article reported that many men struggle with performance anxiety. And, men take it hard (no pun intended) when they can’t perform. To make matters worse, many straight men are not as willing as women or gay counterparts to talk about it all.
Throw in the absence of decent sex education along with changing gender roles and the result is many confused fellows. Hence, the most common Googled questions about sex are ones asking how binary men can best please their female partners.
Finding Common Ground
Sex is one more example of the many differences between men and women. Most men get their needs met. Many women don’t. Many men struggle to talk about sex and voice their sexual needs. In contrast, experts recommend that women fare better when their partner asks about their needs.
So where can partners find common ground?
Couples must talk about their sexual needs, desires and habits. The conversation begins with men learning to open up about their feelings, insecurities, fears and honest desires. Our previous blog entitled, What Is Love? states sexual intimacy is deeper and richer when partners learn how to love. “If men were socialized to desire love as much as they are taught to desire sex, we would see a cultural revolution.” (bell hooks)
And, as author bell hooks also writes, the revolution would benefit everyone.
Learning to Love
Love is rooted in honesty and a commitment to transformation. Passion, as delightful as it may be, is only one part of a loving relationship. Ultimately, a satisfying sexual connection is rooted in a soul connection. Two people seeing each other as they really are two people who delight in love’s intimate journey.
The key is to enjoy every detail of love’s journey. Treat it like the last favorite sandwich you’ll ever eat. Cherish the bread as you lay it flat on your plate. Appreciate the moist dressing you spread upon each piece. Find mystery in the folds of the lettuce. Relish the rich red hues of the sliced tomato. Find wonder in the contrast of its soft complex core from its simple skin. Imagine the taste of the warm meat upon your tongue.
Now, close your eyes. Take your first bite. Savor the scents that seduce your nose. Feel the fabric of every texture that touches your lips. Notice how your mouth matches the moisture of the treat you consume. What do you feel? What do you see in your mind’s eye?
Take a peek. Behold the beauty you hold in your hands. Make sure you taste every bit of her while you can.
Fondle her. Kiss her. Eat her. Love her. Let her sighs and moans bring you chills. Eat until the only thing that remains is her delight and your joy.
Be patient, be real and, above all, love.
Any more questions?