From the Inside Looking Out: What Being Curvy Feels Like
In part two we wrap up our look at curvy girls who choose to pole dance. We will come to know these lady’s perspective on how the world has viewed and treated them. From the outside looking in, we often tend to cast judgment, use slanderous language. We also exclude the thick gals from business ventures that a slenderer girl would automatically be included in. If you’re quick to call a curvy girl fat, Panther say’s “that it’s disrespectful and if you can’t say anything nice, then shut the hell up.”
Let’s continue our Q&A and attend our ears to these wonderful curvaceous beauties and find out how we can support them in their life, lifestyle and pole journey.
At a pole show or attending a strip club, what were your thoughts when seeing someone who looks like you performing on the pole?
Dallas: When I see other curvy girls performing crazy pole tricks, I am in awe every time. Like, honey, you weigh more than these other girls. You can still lift and throw yourself up and around a pole like you’re Catwoman? Get a cape, a mask and go fight some crime. You are an absolute superhero. Curvy does not mean weak unless you give up on yourself.
Poundcake: It’s so satisfying to see more plus size women getting involved in pole. I light up when I see a plus woman swagging it out and living her best life. It makes me really proud to be a part of the movement.
Panther: It takes courage to get up on a stage and perform in front of strangers. Just watching someone that looks like me makes me happy. I always make sure I compliment them after their performance at a pole show. I’ll tip them if I’m at a strip club.
If you are one who posts on social media, have you ever received a judgmental comment? How did it make you feel? Did you respond back to the comment? If so, what did you say?
Poundcake: Having had a few videos that have gone viral I see so many people with negative fat shaming comments. My first thought is “I just want them to come try ONE of these pole classes and see if they can keep up.” Sometimes I will actually invite them to class to give it a try. Most times I just ignore or don’t even read those comments because I’m confident in my abilities and who I am as a person.
I know that their hatred comes from a dark place and I, a healed place. My body and what I decide to do with it has no bearing on their lives. I don’t waste energy arguing with them.
Panther: Since I’ve been on social media I’ve only had one post of me dancing where I received a judgmental comment. I can’t remember the exact comment, but it referenced my size and me being able to do the choreography. At first, I was like am I really reading this especially coming from another sister and pole dancer just like me. My pole sisters from my home pole studio, Secret Pole Dance Studio, defended me. After all was said and done, I blocked her due to her negativity.
Impact of Social Media
Dallas: I don’t post about myself on social media besides pictures of my cat and cool projects I’m working on. It’s not for fear of judgement, I’m just lazy and don’t like taking selfies.
I do livestream video games on a regular basis with two friends, who are both what I’d call slender. They’re gorgeous and so am I in my way. When it’s all of us standing together there’s a certain dark clarity I get. I’ll never look like they do, but they are so supportive, and I still feel safe in that space.
Occasionally, there’s a comment on our stream about “the big girl,” or someone types “BBW” in a derogatory way. I’m not going to say it doesn’t hurt, but I don’t know that viewer and they don’t know what I go through just to stay healthy. If they need to insult some stranger online to get off then at least I’ve given them something to feel good about. I’m already using that rage to destroy NPCs in a video game. So that’s win-win in a way.
It seems as though the fashion industry has come a long way in doing their part in creating designs to not exclude curvy girls, but to make them feel just as great in what they wear as someone who’s not curvy. How has this transferred over to lingerie or clothing that gives off sex appeal?
Panther: I feel in the past that the fashion industry thought thick curvy girls were not fit to wear their designs. Although the industry over the past years has included designs and sizes for thick curvy girls, there are still several clothing lines that do not cater to the thick and curvy. Lingerie is definitely sexier now for curvy girls to show their sexy side.
Dallas: Lingerie faces a problem with curves in that it’s trying to work with as little material as possible and still have one garment be form-fitting for all women at the same time. With a teddy for example: if one girl has a small behind with a larger middle and small breasts, but another girl has a large behind and a smaller middle and small breasts; both women can’t fit into a “medium” size of the same teddy. Their bodies need support in different areas. If we started to create custom fitted lingerie for every woman, there would be no way to maximize production. Prices would skyrocket.
There is a solution somewhere for mass-produced curvy-friendly lingerie and I believe we are on the path to finding it, but it’s still a way off.
Poundcake: I think that most companies have done a much better job at being inclusive of women in larger bodies. I believe that lingerie sales have actually increased as a result. It is important for consumers (especially plus size) to be able to see familiar body types in the companies where they decide to spend their dollars. If I go to a company’s Instagram page and can’t identify with the models, even if they carry plus sizes, I will not spend my dollar there.
When it comes to eroticism/sex, what are some of the benefits of being with a curvaceous woman vs. one who’s not?
Poundcake: To speak candidly, I love and support all body types, including slender women. However, if you look at historical paintings, those of curvy women are more common. I think that aesthetically a curvier body is again more desirable due to the fact that skinny women are now the “standard” in porn, sex, etc. So, to see something different (i.e. a curvy body) I get much more turned on.
There’s a different level of confidence in curvy women. I feel sometimes slender women don’t have that. Once you’ve overcome the slander of being a curvy woman, that confidence hits different!
Panther: I think that curvaceous women are sensual, sexy, and are able to do anything a smaller woman can, maybe even more. Some smaller women are not as confident or sexual in bed nor are they comfortable in their own skin when it comes to being sensual. Whereas sex can be adventurous with a curvaceous woman because she exudes sensuality and is willing to explore.
Dallas: I feel like to get an accurate answer to this, I’d have to discuss it with my SO. He isn’t as comfortable as I am with sharing that information so I’ll respect that.
That said, I feel like it depends on the match-up. If your partner is into your curves, then fucking own it. Confidence in the bedroom is more important than any other part of the experience. So if you’ve got a big partner who is confident in their body, I can’t imagine you’re in for anything but a great time.
What do you want people to know about what it’s like being a sexy curvy woman in our society?
Thickerbell: It’s amazing. I understand why women spend so much to surgically get the body features I was born with naturally.
Panther: You will always hear negative comments, but if you are confident in your own skin what others say should not bother you.
Dallas: We’re just people. We’re heavier than you are, that’s not a big deal. If you’re worried about our health just ask if we’re comfortable having a conversation about it and don’t get upset if it doesn’t go your way. If you’re disgusted, then just don’t fucking look. We’re not trying to force you to. Especially in today’s culture, acceptance and equality are paramount across the board. Either respect the confident, sexy, beautiful and powerful human in front of you, or walk away.
Poundcake: My favorite quote is “do what your heart is begging you to do.” If you want to dress up in lingerie, be sexy and feel confident, do it! You don’t owe anyone an apology for being curvy. Use it as your superpower rather than feeling shameful of it. Walk in the room with your head held high knowing you’re THAT BITCH! Confidence is the most attractive thing you can wear! Use it to your advantage. You deserve to be here and take up space!
FE is delighted to share such empowering responses to our questions regarding curvy women. Thank you to the beauties above who agreed to verbalize such real, raw and authentic thoughts about who they are and how any woman should feel if they are S-shaped, curvy, thick, voluptuous, or plus size. We salute you and we’ll continue to support you in your journey.
No matter who you are, FE hopes that in reading this blog you walk away feeling liberated, bold, accepted, confident, beautiful, and sexy.
If you’d like to follow and/or reach out to anyone of these women, they can be contacted at the below IG handles:
Poundcake (Pole Instructor): @poundcake_p
Panther: @ sparkle1baby